A New Australian Knight


UPDATE 30 January 2015

Confusion Reigns:  who will do the honours for Sir Phil?

Apparently, Tony hasn’t yet told the Queen whether

  • she can dub her hubby personally,  or
  • Tony will do it,  or
  • it can be a Selfie.

A spokesman at Buckingham Palace says: “The Queen acts on the advice of the Australian government on any appointment to the Australian order, just as she would act on the advice of the UK government for any British knighthoods.

“We would direct you to the Australian government for further guidance on your below questions.”

Bookies have Tony 2/1 on, but the Selfie is firming fast coming in from 10/1 against to 6/4 overnight. Read More


Dear Sir Phil, our very own Australian Knight

I hope I am addressing you correctly. We are still getting used to the great news which just came through on Australia Day when everyone had spent far too long around their barbeques and were in no fit state to concentrate on matters of such great importance as this.

Perhaps it would be better to address you in the style to which you are more accustomed:

Your Royal Highness the Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, Earl of Merioneth and Baron Greenwich, Knight of the Garter, Knight of the Thistle, Order of Merit, Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the British Empire, QSO Companion of The Queen’s Service Order, Privy Counsellor – and now: Knight of the Order of Australia.

Will that be enough? I wouldn’t want you to think we Lizards of Oz are ignorant of your other awards and honours like the Knighthoods from Denmark (the Order of the Elephant) and Greece (the Royal Order of the Phoenix). It’s sad to say that some of the lower classes still think it’s fun to address you behind your back as Phil the Greek, or even Fill the Greek. There should be a law that makes it an offence to lampoon Australian Royalty.

Some spiteful people say you were born a Prince of Greece and Denmark, but for my money, anyone who can be born a Prince anywhere – let alone in two countries simultaneously – deserves the little perks that come along with that achievement. You courageously gave up those Princehoods when you married our Queen, so it’s only fair that you got some compo.

But then you soon, effortlessly, became a star across the globe. We know about the Collar of the Order of the Aztec Eagle, the highest Mexican decoration foreigners can earn, and the Greek War Cross, not to mention the Italy Star.

We know too that you have had a brilliant academic career, earning top degrees from a number of universities. We’ve done our homework Down Under: you were once chancellor of the universities of Cambridge, Edinburgh, Wales and Salford, and King’s College in the University of London made you a life governor. All class! They know merit when they see it.

We Australians were delighted that finally – and before you… (Like Tony, I dare not speak the word – even Down Under, we hear whispers about your health) Queen Liz will soon be tapping you on the shoulder to make you one of our own Knights. Not many men can say their wife made them a Knight! And Down Under, we rather like a wife to bend the knee occasionally, as I’m sure you do.

We were a bit worried at first that your wife would not accept our Tony’s recommendation that you become an Australian Knight. I think the thing that clinched it for her was that he consulted with the Head of our Australian Awards Council, who wholeheartedly gave the nod (clever man, Sir Angus – Tony gave him a Knighthood too at the same time.)

It could have been a close call if it had been left to the hoi polloi like other Cabinet Members in Canberra or, worse still, to the Parliament at large. But once they get used to it, they’ll come around. Already one Cabinet Minister has been found who says he supports his Captain’s Call. 

 And the ever-loyal Head of Australians for the Monarchy  has been on the television telling everyone about all that you’ve done for Australia, like doing the great honour of letting us name some scholarships after one of your titles. You can rely on old Flinty in a crisis. If you’re talking to your wife anytime soon, could you drop old Flinty’s name into the conversation. Fine stamp of a chap: remembers the 1950s as if it were yesterday!

You can ignore that Barnaby Joyce fellow, he’s not the real leader of the National Party (the way he carries on he’ll never get that appointment). Anyway, even he had to admit today that, “I don’t think the world is going to collapse around our ears because of this.”

Even if our Tony gets chucked out at the next election (and there have been some ungrateful mutterings even in Mr Murdoch’s press of late – and by the old man himself) you get to keep your Australian Knighthood. It’s yours for life. (I don’t mean to imply anything about your health, Your Royalty.) 

I’ll talk to Tony and see if he can make your Knighthood carry on down to young Charles sometime in the future, when it’s time, if you get my drift. I do beg Your Pardon for being a little familiar, but the Club has run an Open Bar tonight in your honour – and we know you will forgive us our little Night of Excitement (no pun intended). I know I should have said: The Prince Charles, Prince of Wales, Graduate of Timbertop, and decidedly a Top Australian King in the Making.

 Just before I leave, Sir, Your Lordship, Prince, Duke, Your Highness, etc, I have a question. Won’t keep you up. A few of us at the Club tonight were asking: Now that Tony has made you a Sir, does that mean your wife is now a Dame?

 I remain

As ever

Your Very Humble Australian Servant

 I M Indless

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *